MY 5 reasons Rebuttal

I have been with my significant other for almost 11 years, married for almost 5 and have been parents together for almost 3. I do know there are a few important factors that make "US" work. I say "US" because we are a team. We need one another in order to have our marriage work. I was quite alarmed at how many people agree with this man's opinion. It is in fact his opinion. He is not some sort of expert just because he was married one time and it failed. I am not claiming to be any type of expert as well. I am just a regular person who disagrees and wants to share my own opinion. 

First just to put this out there not everyone's family comes from happily ever after marriages. On my mom's side my great grandma is divorced, my grandma is divorced and my parents are divorced. So let's say I did not dream of a fairy tale ending growing up.

This was my first impression of his article,

   "Ive been divorced myself. But I'm only one of the many people today that have failed at marriage. And while some of us have gone through a divorce, others stay in their relationships, miserably, and live completely phony lives.These same people, though, are quick to point the finger and judge others for speaking up."

So, my understanding is that because I am in a successful marriage I am miserable and my life is phony? Also I judge everyone that has been divorced? No. I can tell you I am happy in our marriage. I know several divorced people and I am not judging anyone. It honestly feels like he is judging happy marriages because his failed and he is bitter, which he points out he isn't. Funny thing to point out by the way. 

So sex. I agree that sex is a big part of our marriage. Sorry to our moms if you are reading this. Honestly it should not be something shushed something to be ashamed of. One thing that really helps us is honesty. Honesty is a big part of making everything work, especially sex. We feel comfortable enough to be honest and share our inner most desires and it all falls into place in the bedroom. There are also other factors. We do not have a TV in the bedroom and keep electronic devices to a minimum. This is just something we decided to do, it also helps us sleep better. And sleep is also key to being happy, at least for us. 

Finances. I do know for a fact a lot of people fight over finances. At the beginning we decided to share accounts. It just works for us. I know everyone is different. We do not hide things for each other, especially money.  We also talk before we make big purchases. We just try really hard to be smart about it. That's not to say we haven't ever not been smart about it and bought a house and realized we were in over our heads, but we did not freak out and we knew we had each other. We also have an amazing family. Another thing is that we aren't trying to live the lives of anyone but ourselves. I guess you could say we aren't worried about "keeping up with the Joneses." 

As far as being connected. Well this is tricky. For a little over a year now my husband has been in the military. For months during this deployment we have been apart and both live for the few times we get to speak on the phone, text for hours, video chat, email or send letters and packages. I'm not going to lie it is frustrating at times, but it is temporary and I know we are going to be together again soon. We have been separated due to the military before but this is the longest. We learned not to take each other for granted. It is a lifestyle we chose and so far has worked for us. 

The last two I feel are both social media and technology related. I like sharing aspects of my life to family and friends, especially since most are spread out far away. I am only human and may feel an ounce of jealously every now and then, but for the most part I am happy to see people sharing their lives with me. If social media affects your life and marriage then I feel like that person should unplug and reevaluate themselves. We shouldn't let other people's lives dictate our own happiness. There are things in my life I don't post, but mostly because I don't want to flood other people's news feeds. 

Lastly, my strong opinion is that the article puts a lot of blame for failed marriages. I feel that honesty is a huge part of us being happy. If you are frustrated with your partner then tell them and try to work it out together. Maybe there is more technology than there was 20, 40, 60 years ago, but the truth is that sometimes marriages fail. Sometimes there isn't just one thing or a few things at fault. Sometimes people change and they don't change together. Everyone is different. Every marriage is different. I just don't want to see all these people have their marriages stirred up for no reason or feel guilty about anything just because of one guy's failed marriage and his bitterness going viral. 

Always make your bed

When I feel a glimmer of sadness start to find its way through my body and try to escape my eyes, I think of this sweet face looking up at me. Our son.  With his infections giggles, temper tantrums, curiosities and braveness, he is my reason to look forward to each day. I knew the day would come  when my husband would be a whole world away, but it still breaks my heart at times. I am relieved he is there and safe and sound. I love the very few times a day we get to text and talk. Even if its for a few minutes, to hear his voice, just makes it better. I do not regret standing by his decision to join. He has never talked about a "job" the way he does now. He is exploring new places and feels like his works actually means something. Even though we can't be together everyday I am grateful I get to spend so much time with Donnie. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, but I am extremely thankful for my family! Today I decided to make my bed. Although I don't do it everyday, today I feel a sense of accomplishment. Now I can face the whole day with this positive feeling inside. I do not know what today will bring. Hopefully I can get a workout in, hopefully I can laugh a lot, hopefully Donnie won't throw a tantrum (JUST KIDDING LOL), but I am hopeful. All I can have is hope. Hope that today will be a good day or just knowing that I at least tried to have a positive outlook from the get go. Time to get outside and enjoy this gorgeous sunny day in Texas. 

Savor the seconds

Never thought I'd be so happy to be in Mesquite, Tx. I am so thankful to be surrounded by family and friends while Ryan deploys for the first time. I dreaded the car ride here, especially with a toddler, but luckily the second day was not as bad as the first. Also I took a few pictures that I love.
This one was in the morning in South Dakota. I can't remember ever witnessing the sunrise. It was mesmerizing.

The sun wanted to creep up.

I looked back at one moment and realized as we were waiting for the sunrise, the moon was still behind us wrapped up in the colorful clouds. 

 The sun rise was so beautiful. A memory I will hold onto for a long time. The three of us witnessing something so mundane, yet miraculous.

I was so excited to finally see the dried up Red River!

Donnie so enjoyed getting out of the car and being able to run around and play.

As much as I had dreaded the long drive we made a lot of great memories on the road. As we settle into Texas I am dreading this week to come to an end. Thursday. I hate Thursday. But enough about the sad stuff. I am so excited for today! Today Ryan and I get to go out on a dinner and a movie date! We haven't been on one in more than 7 months! I am also really excited to finally see Mocking Jay, but its a huge plus that I get to take a hot date with me! With only a few days left with Ryan 

in person I am just going take each day slowly and try to savor every second.

Get to it

The time is nearing to leave our first home outside of Texas. I knew this day would come, but honestly I did not think it would come so soon. One minute I am so excited and the next extremely sad. I am so thankful for the internet because that is how I met a great friend before we came to South Dakota and she then introduced me to a great group of women. I love knowing I will still have friends when I come back to South Dakota. Six Months is not that long, but it still is not fun to think about. I do not think there is a job Ryan could have had that would allow me to stay home with our son. I am ever so grateful for that. I honestly did not even imagine this lifestyle. I know there are so many things I still don't know, but I am learning everyday. Especially about OPSEC. Basically keep your mouth shut. I can't say where Ryan is going or when he leaves and I get it, but, but well nothing. We have been apart before not too long ago and had very little contact so I am trying to remember that to help me get through this. I know I am not the only one going through this, but it still sucks. That's really the only way I can describe it. In all reality Ryan promised to serve this country and he is upholding that promise and I could not be more proud of him. My son has a great role model. And I have an amazing husband. 

I think the one thing that's not helping at all is packing. Packing up a small item that holds so many memories. Whether its a box holding 10 year old love notes, a CD that was gifted to me because Ryan was heading in the right direction 10 years ago, Donnie's hospital tag, an engraved mug, I mean the list goes on and on. A lifetime worth of memories that I honestly haven't given a thought to in months and months are so now precious again. I think this move is not only resurfacing memories for me but for Ryan too. I won't go any further than that, but my heart aches for him. He is always keeping me together emotionally. He is always the voice of reason, calmness, and assurance. I owe it to him to be the same when he needs it. As much as I want to cry all day everyday, I know that he needs me to be strong. And I am in no way doing it alone. I am so thankful for family and friends for their encouragement. Also there is a sweet, smart, little rascal that keeps me going as well. 

As much as I've delayed getting back to packing, I must get to it. 

“We must learn how to explode! Any disease is healthier than the one provoked by a hoarded rage.” 
― Emil Cioran

Its a start

Its been three days since I've started a workout routine. Every other day my husband gets a work out routine for me to do and on the other day I run for 30 minutes. I know its not much now but I know its a start in the right direction. I already eat really well so I at least have that going for me. I figured when I became a stay at home Mom it would all fall in place but it seems I would find anything to get sad about and then eat bad things and not workout at all. I've stayed to gain the 10 pounds I lost after I quit working so I think that's when it hit me that I need to change more in order to become the healthy person I want to me. It seems like I've always has body issues but I want to change that. I want to be the best for myself and my family. I don't want to die early because I ate wrong and lived a lazy lifestyle. I know I have to keep at it and I've given my husband permission to push and push and for that I am grateful. It means so much to me that he's always there for me.

Still getting adjusted.

It's weird being so far away from "home" and when I saw that I mean Texas where all of my family lives. Thank goodness for modern technology though! Whether its pictures or video chatting, it's such a great way to keep in touch. After being here for a few months and finally starting to get a routine our world gets turned upside down knowing that Ryan will definitely deploy. I can not say when or where he is going but come on I think everyone knows the general part of the world he'll go. I so knew this could and would happen, but still my husband and father of my son will be far away for a long while. Luckily we have made the decision to go back to Texas. Since Donnie isn't in school yet, it will be easy now to go for a visit then it will in the future.

Countdown T-MINUS 54 Days

I started a countdown widget today! I don't really know why but seeing it as 54 days seems a lot better than 8 weeks! LOL I really have no clue why! Well I spent the night at my mom's to watch my little. Donnie went to bed by 8 and I was so bored. I watched movies and wrote a ton to Ryan. This morning we've eaten breakfast and just trying to figure out what we'll do today. There is really nothing we can do outside because it is a little chilly. I do not want to take Donnie and chance him getting sick. I am still waiting to receive the information I need in order to get our military ID cards and TriCARE insurance information. I really wish Ryan could get at least one call a week. I have heard of other people getting that, but I think they stopped doing that. It really sucks because I am so used to telling him everything. Every little thing. I keep thinking of his first phone call. I was in shock when I heard his voice. It was definitely a nice way to start out the New Year, but I still can not get over how he sounded. He sounded so worn out, tired and stressed. He told me he was stressed out, but that he could do it. I wanted to cry so badly, but I knew that it would be worse for him. I told him that Donnie and I were safe and he didn't need to worry about us. All he had to do was worry about himself and make it though. I told him how proud we are because he is such a strong and brave person and that it is all worth it in the end. I made the mistake of watching several videos on youtube that showed a lot of the yelling. The recruits looked so confused! I was in complete disbelief. I know that he knew what he was getting into, but its still really hard knowing that he is getting very little sleep, not much to eat or crappy food at that and getting yelled at constantly. He is a strong person though. I know he can do it. I just have to keep telling myself that. And I hear him telling me "It's only temporary."  He is really good at looking at things in a positive light or not letting little things get to him. I have learned so much from him. He have known each other since we were 16 years old. Its really a funny story.

I had a best friend. Probably not the BEST if you know what I mean. Trouble always seemed to follow her, but I guess that was a good thing for me. Because my friend had gotten into a lot of trouble at home she moved in with her sister. I was able to spend the night over her house on a Saturday. We could not think of what to do. There was a battle of the bands at the softball complex and she said that we should go. Luckily her brother in law was able to drop us off. Its all a little fuzzy. I remember she said that she knew these two guys. We walked over to them. I remember seeing this tall guy, pale skin, dark black hair (he dyed it) and incredible eyes! I just remember not being able to stop staring at him. They decided to leave shortly after we met because they thought it was lame. So fast forward to Monday and my friend called me from her sisters. She was in trouble so she could not get on the internet. She wanted me to sign on to her AIM account and see if there was a particular guy signed on. He was not, but a lot of people were messaging her. I asked who this one person was and she told me it was that Ryan guy from the battle of the bands. I told her I thought he was so cute! She said that I should pretend to be her and tell him I thought he was cute. I did. And he said, "Oh that cute Mexican girl." I had given him my screen name and told him I would be on in 10 minutes. So of course I sign off her screen name and wait exactly 10 minutes! He messaged me as soon as I signed on. We just chatted about the most random things. He went to a different high school across town, but we managed to spend every single moment we possibly could together. We definitely went though hard times, but he never broke up or took a break. We always worked together to work out an disagreements we had. I honestly did not think I would end up meeting my soul mate at the age of 16. Some people probably think I am crazy because I haven't really "lived" my life. The thing is that Ryan is my life. Our life with our son Donnie. I am content with that. I always said I would never be a stay at home mom/wife, but after having my son I want to spend so much time with him. I want to make sure that I take care of Ryan and our family. I am so happy that this is my life now. Its just a little hard having him not here with us. I know I can do it. I have to do it for Ryan. I have to be strong for him. I know he is expecting that of me.

2014.

Well its already the 3rd of January and I still haven't had my kiss yet this year. Even though we don't really stay up at midnight anymore but we kissed everyday! I miss him so much! It was so hard to let him get on that bus! I wanted to run and tell him NO! Don't do it! I know its all for the better. Waiting for his call on Wednesday was so horrible. I wasn't guaranteed to get it that day, but I just had a feeling I would get it. Everything reminds me of him. Last night I got a package of  ink that Ryan ordered before he left. It was a cheaper version of what our printer called for and he said it would work. Well I tried to install it yesterday but instead I got black ink all over my right hand and the printer would not recognize the ink or let me bypass it! I was so angry at him and then I was sad because he was not here for me to get mad at or for him to fix it! I rely on him so much! I know I need to be more independent and this is a really good opportunity for that, but it doesn't change the fact that he is my soul mate and I am in this big world without him. I am going to do so many things myself. I am so thankful that this time around I have family because when he deploys we will probably be far away from them. I am glad that I am getting to meet my new family, my Air Force family! They are all so kind and welcoming! I am connecting with so many people! I think that has really been a big help! I am getting all this support through the Air Force WingMOM networking on facebook. On Monday I even got to meet the creator and founder, Lisa! She is amazing! It turns out she even lives right down the street from me! I really hope I get to know her better and maybe when my journey is over I can help others. I am already trying to help out a little by finding people on instagram and directing them to AFWM! I feel like every little things reminds me of him. Songs on the radio, my ink stained right hand, the package the ink came in had this HUGE A3 on it and that is his rank, and even this show I watched this morning, this couple reunited after a long time of not seeing each other were playing the card game WAR. I had never played that game before. When we were waiting on Monday at Meps, Ryan showed me how to play. It was fun for like the first 30 minutes, but after a while we stopped and relaxed on a couch and watched a movie and then of course of only a few minutes of enjoying his closeness he gets called to swear in. I am so happy that I got to stay there the whole morning and afternoon with him. I am definitely thankful that I decided to not bring Donnie. I am so lucky my little sister watched him for us. She comes to my rescue a lot! It sounds like my little man knows I am talking about him and it sounds like he is waking up. Here's to a great day! I really hope I get a call tomorrow. If not at least this first week is almost over!

Our last picture of 2013. Right before he stepped on the bus.

weird night.

Trying to stay so positive right now. Its really hard. Donnie and I dropped off Ryan at a hotel and then he goes to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) early tomorrow morning. I will see him swear in and then he goes by bus to San Antonio for Air Force basic training for 8 and a half weeks. I think the hardest part tonight has been Donnie saying, "Daddy?" and seeing Ryan's picture and asking for daddy. We made a small video of Ryan telling Donnie goodnight and he loves him. I feel like its not going to be a long time, but for the short time it will be a little rough. Especially at night and when Donnie asks for him. I know in the end it will all be worth it. I am so proud of the man my husband has become. We met when we were 16 years old and I have been there to see him become such a great man. I can not wait to see him graduate! I am just so proud to call him my husband. I really hope these 8 and a half weeks go by so fast! I am excited for tomorrow. Right now I think I just need some sleep because I will probably be waiting around for a few hours to see him swear in and then a few more hours to say goodbye.

Wow 2013 is almost over

I have been thinking about starting a blog for some time and it turns out I already had one. I titled it Imitation of a funny girl, I'm not to sure what that means lol. The reason I have been wanting to start a blog is because of all the changes happening lately. I recently stopped working for Bank of America and am now a stay at home mom. My husband Ryan leaves for basic training in the Air Force on Monday. He will be gone for about two months. We will only talk on the phone a few times, but we can write letters. I am not excited about not seeing him every day, but I am excited for this new chapter in our lives. After basic training in San Antonio, he will goto Sheppard Air Force base in Wichita Falls, Tx. He will be there for at least 45 days. After that we will get stationed some where. It could literally be anywhere.

This is my little family. I am such a proud momma and wife. My husband for 2 years and our 19 month old son Donnie. That picture was taken at Medieval Times in Dallas. We went with my in-laws and sister in law, her husband and my niece. My in laws treated us all to it, it was so great! The kids really had a blast! Even though Donnie was still not feeling 100% I could tell he still liked it! He is still getting over some congestion. Thankfully he only had a high fever for a day. It is definitely scary when your baby gets sick. I can not believe Christmas is tomorrow. I am so glad I finished all my Christmas shopping early this year. I really wanted to take Donnie for a picture with Santa but when we went to NorthPark the other day the wait time was crazy. All the people were waiting in a long time and looked miserable. I did not want to put Donnie though that.  I will just have to make up for it but taking tons of festive pictures tomorrow. Donnie has been taking a nap for hours. I suppose its good for him to get a lot of rest to overcome his sickness. I suppose I will start dinner. Tonight we are eating tacos. Grass fed sirloin beef, all organic veggies, Ezekiel sprouted tortillas and Ryan is making is Czech salsa with all organic ingredients.  YUMMY!

Today is what?

Keeping a written journal these days seems outdated. Outdated has become apart of my everyday vocabulary. That is what house hunting will do to a person. I am going like everyone knows me. HAH I'm speaking like anyone is reading! Well for those of you that care:

My name is Alyssa Nichole Zmolek. Maiden name is Torres. I am 22 years old, from Mesquite, Texas. I currently live in Lewisville, Texas with my husband and weenie dog Duckie. Ryan, my husband is wonderful. I am thankful everyday that we met each other. As of yesterday we have been married one year, and in September we will be together for seven years! I never thought I would ever be able to say that. I should be done with college by now, but it has been almost a year since I stopped going. After my step-father died I felt as though I was wasting my time because I did not know what I wanted to do when I grew up . I realized I needed to live out my life for myself and do what made me happy. My husband began his road to become a Firefighter/EMT and I must say he is doing so wonderfully. I have been working full time and have recently gotten a promotion. My job is alright, but I am not sure if it is something I want forever. I want to eventually go back to school and get my bachelors and eventually masters, but I do not want to waste time and money putting my life on hold for something I am not sure of. Ryan and I have recently decided on starting our family. The only problem is, me. I need to lose more weight before I get pregnant. That is such a struggle. I have been told if I get off the pill that it will be easier to lose weight and I recently did that, so I hope if I keep up my healthy eating habits and workout routine I can see better results soon. Well besides the worries of weight, we are wanting to get a house by November. The house hunting is going better than I thought it would. Our Realtor is very nice and really helpful. We have been looking are pre-owned houses, but now are considering newly constructed homes, the only problem is that they are farther north than we expected. I suppose you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Well I suppose I should clean this apartment now and maybe go for a workout at the gym.
Until next time.