Countdown T-MINUS 54 Days

I started a countdown widget today! I don't really know why but seeing it as 54 days seems a lot better than 8 weeks! LOL I really have no clue why! Well I spent the night at my mom's to watch my little. Donnie went to bed by 8 and I was so bored. I watched movies and wrote a ton to Ryan. This morning we've eaten breakfast and just trying to figure out what we'll do today. There is really nothing we can do outside because it is a little chilly. I do not want to take Donnie and chance him getting sick. I am still waiting to receive the information I need in order to get our military ID cards and TriCARE insurance information. I really wish Ryan could get at least one call a week. I have heard of other people getting that, but I think they stopped doing that. It really sucks because I am so used to telling him everything. Every little thing. I keep thinking of his first phone call. I was in shock when I heard his voice. It was definitely a nice way to start out the New Year, but I still can not get over how he sounded. He sounded so worn out, tired and stressed. He told me he was stressed out, but that he could do it. I wanted to cry so badly, but I knew that it would be worse for him. I told him that Donnie and I were safe and he didn't need to worry about us. All he had to do was worry about himself and make it though. I told him how proud we are because he is such a strong and brave person and that it is all worth it in the end. I made the mistake of watching several videos on youtube that showed a lot of the yelling. The recruits looked so confused! I was in complete disbelief. I know that he knew what he was getting into, but its still really hard knowing that he is getting very little sleep, not much to eat or crappy food at that and getting yelled at constantly. He is a strong person though. I know he can do it. I just have to keep telling myself that. And I hear him telling me "It's only temporary."  He is really good at looking at things in a positive light or not letting little things get to him. I have learned so much from him. He have known each other since we were 16 years old. Its really a funny story.

I had a best friend. Probably not the BEST if you know what I mean. Trouble always seemed to follow her, but I guess that was a good thing for me. Because my friend had gotten into a lot of trouble at home she moved in with her sister. I was able to spend the night over her house on a Saturday. We could not think of what to do. There was a battle of the bands at the softball complex and she said that we should go. Luckily her brother in law was able to drop us off. Its all a little fuzzy. I remember she said that she knew these two guys. We walked over to them. I remember seeing this tall guy, pale skin, dark black hair (he dyed it) and incredible eyes! I just remember not being able to stop staring at him. They decided to leave shortly after we met because they thought it was lame. So fast forward to Monday and my friend called me from her sisters. She was in trouble so she could not get on the internet. She wanted me to sign on to her AIM account and see if there was a particular guy signed on. He was not, but a lot of people were messaging her. I asked who this one person was and she told me it was that Ryan guy from the battle of the bands. I told her I thought he was so cute! She said that I should pretend to be her and tell him I thought he was cute. I did. And he said, "Oh that cute Mexican girl." I had given him my screen name and told him I would be on in 10 minutes. So of course I sign off her screen name and wait exactly 10 minutes! He messaged me as soon as I signed on. We just chatted about the most random things. He went to a different high school across town, but we managed to spend every single moment we possibly could together. We definitely went though hard times, but he never broke up or took a break. We always worked together to work out an disagreements we had. I honestly did not think I would end up meeting my soul mate at the age of 16. Some people probably think I am crazy because I haven't really "lived" my life. The thing is that Ryan is my life. Our life with our son Donnie. I am content with that. I always said I would never be a stay at home mom/wife, but after having my son I want to spend so much time with him. I want to make sure that I take care of Ryan and our family. I am so happy that this is my life now. Its just a little hard having him not here with us. I know I can do it. I have to do it for Ryan. I have to be strong for him. I know he is expecting that of me.

2014.

Well its already the 3rd of January and I still haven't had my kiss yet this year. Even though we don't really stay up at midnight anymore but we kissed everyday! I miss him so much! It was so hard to let him get on that bus! I wanted to run and tell him NO! Don't do it! I know its all for the better. Waiting for his call on Wednesday was so horrible. I wasn't guaranteed to get it that day, but I just had a feeling I would get it. Everything reminds me of him. Last night I got a package of  ink that Ryan ordered before he left. It was a cheaper version of what our printer called for and he said it would work. Well I tried to install it yesterday but instead I got black ink all over my right hand and the printer would not recognize the ink or let me bypass it! I was so angry at him and then I was sad because he was not here for me to get mad at or for him to fix it! I rely on him so much! I know I need to be more independent and this is a really good opportunity for that, but it doesn't change the fact that he is my soul mate and I am in this big world without him. I am going to do so many things myself. I am so thankful that this time around I have family because when he deploys we will probably be far away from them. I am glad that I am getting to meet my new family, my Air Force family! They are all so kind and welcoming! I am connecting with so many people! I think that has really been a big help! I am getting all this support through the Air Force WingMOM networking on facebook. On Monday I even got to meet the creator and founder, Lisa! She is amazing! It turns out she even lives right down the street from me! I really hope I get to know her better and maybe when my journey is over I can help others. I am already trying to help out a little by finding people on instagram and directing them to AFWM! I feel like every little things reminds me of him. Songs on the radio, my ink stained right hand, the package the ink came in had this HUGE A3 on it and that is his rank, and even this show I watched this morning, this couple reunited after a long time of not seeing each other were playing the card game WAR. I had never played that game before. When we were waiting on Monday at Meps, Ryan showed me how to play. It was fun for like the first 30 minutes, but after a while we stopped and relaxed on a couch and watched a movie and then of course of only a few minutes of enjoying his closeness he gets called to swear in. I am so happy that I got to stay there the whole morning and afternoon with him. I am definitely thankful that I decided to not bring Donnie. I am so lucky my little sister watched him for us. She comes to my rescue a lot! It sounds like my little man knows I am talking about him and it sounds like he is waking up. Here's to a great day! I really hope I get a call tomorrow. If not at least this first week is almost over!

Our last picture of 2013. Right before he stepped on the bus.