my family

my family

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

MY 5 reasons Rebuttal

I have been with my significant other for almost 11 years, married for almost 5 and have been parents together for almost 3. I do know there are a few important factors that make "US" work. I say "US" because we are a team. We need one another in order to have our marriage work. I was quite alarmed at how many people agree with this man's opinion. It is in fact his opinion. He is not some sort of expert just because he was married one time and it failed. I am not claiming to be any type of expert as well. I am just a regular person who disagrees and wants to share my own opinion. 
First just to put this out there not everyone's family comes from happily ever after marriages. On my mom's side my great grandma is divorced, my grandma is divorced and my parents are divorced. So let's say I did not dream of a fairy tale ending growing up.

This was my first impression of his article,
   "Ive been divorced myself. But I'm only one of the many people today that have failed at marriage. And while some of us have gone through a divorce, others stay in their relationships, miserably, and live completely phony lives.These same people, though, are quick to point the finger and judge others for speaking up."
So, my understanding is that because I am in a successful marriage I am miserable and my life is phony? Also I judge everyone that has been divorced? No. I can tell you I am happy in our marriage. I know several divorced people and I am not judging anyone. It honestly feels like he is judging happy marriages because his failed and he is bitter, which he points out he isn't. Funny thing to point out by the way. 

So sex. I agree that sex is a big part of our marriage. Sorry to our moms if you are reading this. Honestly it should not be something shushed something to be ashamed of. One thing that really helps us is honesty. Honesty is a big part of making everything work, especially sex. We feel comfortable enough to be honest and share our inner most desires and it all falls into place in the bedroom. There are also other factors. We do not have a TV in the bedroom and keep electronic devices to a minimum. This is just something we decided to do, it also helps us sleep better. And sleep is also key to being happy, at least for us. 

Finances. I do know for a fact a lot of people fight over finances. At the beginning we decided to share accounts. It just works for us. I know everyone is different. We do not hide things for each other, especially money.  We also talk before we make big purchases. We just try really hard to be smart about it. That's not to say we haven't ever not been smart about it and bought a house and realized we were in over our heads, but we did not freak out and we knew we had each other. We also have an amazing family. Another thing is that we aren't trying to live the lives of anyone but ourselves. I guess you could say we aren't worried about "keeping up with the Joneses." 

As far as being connected. Well this is tricky. For a little over a year now my husband has been in the military. For months during this deployment we have been apart and both live for the few times we get to speak on the phone, text for hours, video chat, email or send letters and packages. I'm not going to lie it is frustrating at times, but it is temporary and I know we are going to be together again soon. We have been separated due to the military before but this is the longest. We learned not to take each other for granted. It is a lifestyle we chose and so far has worked for us. 

The last two I feel are both social media and technology related. I like sharing aspects of my life to family and friends, especially since most are spread out far away. I am only human and may feel an ounce of jealously every now and then, but for the most part I am happy to see people sharing their lives with me. If social media affects your life and marriage then I feel like that person should unplug and reevaluate themselves. We shouldn't let other people's lives dictate our own happiness. There are things in my life I don't post, but mostly because I don't want to flood other people's news feeds. 

Lastly, my strong opinion is that the article puts a lot of blame for failed marriages. I feel that honesty is a huge part of us being happy. If you are frustrated with your partner then tell them and try to work it out together. Maybe there is more technology than there was 20, 40, 60 years ago, but the truth is that sometimes marriages fail. Sometimes there isn't just one thing or a few things at fault. Sometimes people change and they don't change together. Everyone is different. Every marriage is different. I just don't want to see all these people have their marriages stirred up for no reason or feel guilty about anything just because of one guy's failed marriage and his bitterness going viral. 

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